Meet Gordon Chichester

I haven’t been commuting into work this week so I have been missing my daily dose of PR guff and news wire churn that I get from The Metro. To fill this gaping void inside of me I have been forced to create my own 60 Second Interviews with fictional characters. Today, meet Gordon Chichester a TV personality and former DJ. Any resemblance to any real TV personalities or former DJs – especially ones with beards – is purely coincidental.

Gordon Chichester is one of Britain’s best known entertainment personalities. Famous for his hit TV shows and his time as the nations no 1 favourite DJ personality.

Many younger people know you as a TV personality but you started in radio didn’t you?

Yes. I began my career as a DJ. People said to me; “Gordon you don’t even like music. You don’t even own any records.” They were wrong. I owned a record.

Do you remember what the record was?

No.

So, what was it that attracted you to being a DJ?

I knew I could be a DJ and not just any DJ, but the best DJ on the radio. What I knew was you don’t need to know music, you need to know people. I know a lot about people. You know how I know this? I know this because I am one. I say it to myself every morning, I look in the mirror and say; “I am a person.” It’s a very spiritual thing.

Do you think being a person helped you as a DJ?

The thing those people never realized, those bastards, is that people listen to the radio. Does music listen to the radio? No, people listen to the radio. Does music have ears? No, but people have ears.

It’s not all been success though has it?

Sure, I’ve had my dark times. I have had moments that would kill the career of a man who was less sure of his personhood.

The gunge tank scandal?

Look the papers blew that one up. How was I know to the gunge was highly toxic? I’ve learnt to look at the big picture. Yes, three people did get some minor 80 percent burns, but how many more had a wonderful evening of light entertainment? Millions more: 16 million a week. Cilla would have killed for those numbers. I think looking at the big picture, 16 million hours of pleasure outweighs three lifetimes of pain.

Do you feel any remorse about what happened?

You shouldn’t judge someone on what actually happened. You should judge them on the success they have. I mean, I was on Who Do You Think You Are, I heard one of my ancestors may have been a slave trader. Did being a slave trader make him a racist? No, it made him a man who took an opportunity. I don’t think there’s one of us here who could honestly say they wouldn’t be a slave trader if the money was right and it was legal.

Did your troubles make you reconsider any aspects of your life?

I had to take stock of my life, so I took a break. I travelled the world. I studied all the great philosophers. I practiced all the major religions. When I got back to England  I went to my friend Paul McKenna. I said, Paul, you’ve been going wrong all these years. The trick is not to hypnotize other people; the trick is to hypnotize yourself.

How do you hypnotise yourself?

I do it every morning. I have a mirror above my bed. On the ceiling, it’s six foot long. Every morning I open my eyes and the first thing I see is my eyes and the moment I look into my eyes I say; “I am an extraordinary, successful, sexually virile man and I am special”.

Do you not say “I am a person” when you wake up?

I was paraphrasing. I’m a big picture thinker. I don’t like to get hung up on the details.

Has this spiritual awakening changed you?

It has made me more open minded. One of the most important things you have to remember when seeking success is to keep an open mind. I’ve taught myself to be more open minded about the world. For instance I used to read one newspaper. I read two newspapers now because I like to hear every side of the argument. I read The Daily Mail and The Daily Express. Sometimes I even read the Metro if one of my employees leave a copy in the office. I like to think you can learn why you are right from people who are completely and utterly wrong.

Gordon Chichester was speaking on behalf of the NO to AV campaign.